This is One Weird Mating Ritual Left Over From Our Caveman Days

by N/A, 10 years ago | 3 min read

All animals have some sort of ritualistic mating call in order to find a match to reproduce and further the species. For humans, that mating call comes in the form of flattery and courtship. But, how does a person get to that stage even? Well, they need to get the attention of the one they are after–a gesture they can't ignore.

There may be an answer to what one of those gestures may be, and it involves men eating pizza: lots and lots of pizza.

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A study by Cornell University watched the habits of 105 adults dining at an all you can eat buffet of salad and pizza over the course of two weeks. What they found proves men really need a lesson in getting the attention of a woman.

Men dining with at least one woman in their presence ate a staggering 93% more pizza and 86% more salad than their counterparts who were only dining with other males. It seems like it would make more sense to pig out with a bunch of bros and dudes just being dudes while burping and farting, but that's not the case: but WHY?!

Researchers on the study came to the conclusion that male's natural instinct to get the attention of a potential "mate" includes shoveling 'za down the throat at an alarming rate.

Dr. Kevin Kniffin, visiting assistant professor at Cornell University and lead author of the study, told CBS

"The evolutionary psychology view that we test through the new study relies on an understanding that people have an evolved tendency to 'show off' in front of others, whether it's for dominance and/or to show a kind of attractiveness."

In layman's terms: men are inherently 'show offs,' want to get laid and see a connection between the two and a plethora of pizza.

While science and research backs up these findings, findings which indicate, "…that men tend to overeat to show off – you can also see this tendency in eating competitions which almost always have mostly male participant,” said lead author Kevin Kniffin, PhD, of Cornell University, we tend to think this is a terrible approach to showing off for the ladies, fellas.

The only man that can look like a total hunk while chowing down on a slice of pizza pie is this glorious beefcake of a man, Ryan Gosling.

So, guys: chill on the chewing and engage in conversation instead, because you're not 'showing off' as well as you might subconsciously think, and you're effecting your female date (if you're lucky enough to be eating pizza on a date, that is).

Seriously, because the study also found that females involved reported feeling rushed through their meal and that they felt they overate in the process.

Although, their is no hard evidence to back this up, it should sound an alarm off for men. Basically, you're (referring to all male readers) freaking out these ladies by trying to show off by being a gross pig in the process of pizza consumption.

We understand you don't have control over your genetic makeup guys, but have you learned something here?

The answer should be "yes" followed up by "I will stop double-fisting pizza to try and find my soulmate, because that is just really weird and I apologize for my actions." Sounds good–for now, blame any of your weight gain on the primal instincts of trying to find and/or keep a life partner.